Hanging out, ready to sing some Blues

Friday, May 30, 2008

Mohican 100

We are off!! Come cheer us on.

Bunny 100miler
Chrissy 100miler SS (maybe I should put some gears on)
Director 100k (he is in charge of the after hours so he is doing shorter)

Mohican 100

Look for reports next week. Probably late week, we will be tired.

And by the way, Team Bi-atch thinks active.com blows!

Thursday, May 29, 2008


Help Wanted: Do to our amazing cycling prowess ¾ of Team Bi-atch have been drafted to do The 24hours of Big Bear. The problem is this, none of us have lights. So your donations and loans would be greatly appreciated. This can be used as a charitable deduction on next year’s taxes too. Please contact us if you can help.

Help Wanted for Goose only: For the 24 Hours of Big Bear an assistant that can give a mean back and leg massage, who “smells good, eats little and is light”, type 60 words per minute, patch tubes, likes beer and who will tell me how great I am riding (even if she doesn’t mean it). Could become a full time position with room for serious career growth.

Thanks in advance!

Love Goose (aka Chrissy) and Team Bi-atch

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Getting my nerd on, 3 races 2 days and a kinda MTB epic...

It was a four day weekend for this Bi-atch and my time was going to be spent hitting some DC nerd spots (National Geographic Museum), WABA bike prom, 3 races in two days and some sort of long epic like MTB ride Monday. So how did it unfold…?


I am a closet nerd in case you did not know (Masters Degree in History = big ole nerd). I am racing SS off-road this year in order to seem more edgy and hardcore in hopes to pick up on the ladies or at least get some street cred. So far it has not helped too much perhaps I need a tattoo…maybe a butter fly tat on my lower back or a barbwire arm band on my “gun show” now that would be edgy right? Anyway, I jumped on the fixie and headed down to the National Geographic Museum to get my nerd on. It was nice to be on the city streets during business hours, something I have rarely done since moving to DC, it triggered memorizes of the days spent on the streets of San Francisco when I was actually edgy and met mad ladies while working as a courier…ok I was a nerd back then too and the only ladies that talked with me were drag queens. Hey, that’s San Francisco for ya. Back to my day in DC…The exhibit I wanted to see was “Human Foot Print” it was small but a very cool illustration of how much Americans consume and waste. I learned a lot of frightening statistics. I really hope my “Foot Print” is less then the norm, I try really I do (excluding Snapple bottles, we all have vice). There is also a fascinating photo exhibit on China. Well worth the trip and a very hard-core bike racer thing to do (this training regime will be added to Cycling-Dumb)!!! As I have mentioned in previous posts if you learn something new everyday you are moving forward in life and I did so I am. Good training for sure!!!

….and Friday night…WABA bike prom….what what!!!

I have been doing things on two wheels since I was able to, from BMX/freestyle to motocross (with a motor) at age 5 to doing my first NORBA event as a junior (age 16 or 17) in 1990. So being a nerd and a bike geek my whole life did not lend itself to me participating in the normal popular school functions. In fact, I skipped my high school graduation so I could travel to a race (sorry mom). And needless to say, I was not as smooth with the ladies as I am now, so I did not go to any prom’s either, rather shocking I know. So on Friday night, I asked my neighbor Joel G. of the world famous http://www.gwadzilla.blogspot.com/ to be my date WABA Bike Prom. His wife said ok and we were off. We rode down to the Blackcat saw fellow DC cyclists, had too many beers, listened to some classic 80’s tunes and I didn’t shake my booty-my date may have been too shy or maybe me. This Cinderella had to be home early since I had to race the next day so I left my date behind and headed back to Mt.P with a fellow cycling homie that lives down the block. We had good times, good beer and I was home in time before my bike turned into a pumpkin. I got some rest, not enough, before a hard weekend of racing. I was disappointed that I did not even get to first base with anyone though. Isn’t that the point of prom, ugh…the story of my life.

….and Tuesday morning I received a call from WABA I won the raffle from the prom, yippee for me!! Now when will I get down there to pick it up?

Things Learned:

Saturday is race day…

The Director Sportiff claims to of gotten sick so once again I was leading the Mid-Atlantic campaign solo for Team Bi-atch. I was off to race twice at the Kelly Cup in the Charmed City. I was not traveling alone this time, which is always nice especially if you go down (which no one did but I had a scare that my traveling mate did and a frantic ambulance search ensued, ahh but all was fine…for my mate at least she had a similar sounding name as the unlucky one. Got the heart pumping though. ). I recruited AnnaK. a fellow MtP. resident and pal, cycling lyfer, lover of all things 2 wheeled and who too embraces the revolutionary do-gooder ideals and spirit of Team Bi-atch so that makes her a good egg and a fine travel mate to help with the Team Bi-atch Charmed City campaign. The road was hit early and we arrived with plenty of time to chat with cycling friends of new and old. Something I am not completely accustomed to because as you know I normally arrive late and sometimes too late. I ate some breakfast in the parking lot and jammed out with my Ipod ( weekly Ipod fav’s The Avett Brothers and The Black Keys) waiting for the days events to begin. I was racing twice so it was going to make for a long, fun but hard day. As for the racing, well, they both ended in field sprints and if you remember from my last post I ain’t no sprinter, but I rode hard, got in two breaks that did not stick and such!! We hit a burrito joint for some eats and the Water Front for some tourist shit on our way out and the day was done. 2 races down 1 to go and one pretty bitchn’ tan…sun burn gained. I took my camera for the first time and boy does it show. Photographer I am not but I will try to work on it. In the end, I would call it an ok day not stellar. I still can not find my game face anywhere, life just sometimes causes you to loose those things. Anyone seen it? If so, please return it. Things learned: I still can’t sprint, I have no focus these days, Baltimore has too many one way streets, I like honey with peanut butter, the Water Front is pretty but way too touristy and many other things.

Sunday and round 2…..

Sunday I decided to stay local for a second day to road race and to skip the WVMBA MTB race which would almost certainly knock me out of the leader’s position in SS points. I am no longer a WV local but a DC local so I guess I should support the one race that occurs in my new town, right? I can probably regain my led so long as I continue to ride well but I will have to miss the Stoopid 50 in order to do so, ahh, the simple worries of a bike racer… this race or that one… road or mountain…2 scopes or 3? Rough isn’t it? Rocket Surgery for sure!!!

I decided to ride to the event in the hope that I would run in to the “Rolling Thunder” thing. Nothing says hardcore and edgy like a guy with shaved legs wearing spandex riding with a bunch Harley’s right? I really just wanted to limit my “foot print” mostly though but seeing some cool motorcycles (I miss my Harley) would have been cool too, I didn’t!!

The race report: not much different then the other road reports from the last few weeks. I am moving and shaking with the movers and shakers until the last 200m. Sprint Chrissy sprint!!! Oh well, I stuck around to watch the women race which was the main event, which is awesome because that rarely occurs. Saw and chatted with an old WV MTB friend Sue H. who is kicking all sorts international butt in the dirt. Heckled some others, laughed, cried and ate too many Bananas. 3 of 3 complete, no cash won, legs are sore and even more bitchn’ tan worked on. Things learned: I do not know DC outside of MtP. very well, large parking lots get very hot in the summer sun, safety cones aren’t so safe, I should have MTB raced, um, I am sure there is more.

Alas, Monday Fun day, epic MTB day….

All week I was stoked to have a day off from all things so that I could hit the woods and mountains for no less then 5 hours on my mountain bike. My plan A fell through at the last minute so I quickly devised a Plan B (love them Plan B’s, life savers). My Plan B: A day in Gambrill State Park or “the shed” near Frederick, Md. Now I have only been there a few times and each time ended in the dark so I was a little worried about getting lost but my pal and fellow hardy soul from MtP. dropped a highly detailed topo-map and driving directions (Thanks AK) so my mind was a little at ease. The day turned out to be just what I needed. I have been a bit down lately and a good trip to the mountains (even the foothills) can be cathartic. I was feeling like I did when I began this journey back in 1990, just the pure intrinsic pleasure of riding in the woods, not “training” or racing, just the freedom of riding…stopping to smell the flowers, listen to the streams roll off of the rocks, absorbing the views and marveling at the absolute wonders beautiful mother nature has provided us.

I rode hard at times but not too hard as I did race 3 times on the previous 2 days so I was tired and riding the rocks and descents with unabashed enthusiasm can bite you in the ass sometimes and since I was alone I chose a more conservative pace which allows for more mental reflection and scenery observation anyway. The trails were pretty empty but I did run into two WV hippie kids in the woods. They were boiling up some water for rice and hit,hit, passing the one hitter around. We exchanged some knowledge and they offered me a hit and some rice. I respectfully declined, shook some hands and be-bopped down the trail.

It was a good day. Almost 5.5 hours in the woods. The riding was great, the nature spectacular and the head clearing well the verdict is still out.

I do wish Team Bi-atch and others were there but sometimes running solo with just Mother Nature by your side is whats up!!!

Some fine words of wisdom I would like to share. I saw this right outside Gambrill Forest...Hilarious!!!

Its spring and our hormones are going wild so keep yourself in check. The big guy/lady is watching.

Next weekend the Mohican100, I hope that chaffing down near my junk is healed by then. And my lower back hurts, man I feel old.

I need to find something else to do on my rest days....this thing is long!!

Another chapter of a never ending tale

As always...
Get out there ride, have fun and ride some more. It is cathartic ya know...better then _______ I have heard!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Look out for the turtles please!!

This weekend was another double-header for this Bi-atch. Saturday I went solo up to the land of Landis and the Amish for yet another exciting Red-Roses road race (thanks for supporting our passions Red-Roses). It was in East Earl, Pa, a fine little town near Lancaster. I had delightful drive northeast away from DC. I rocked out to some NPR and when I was no longer able to find a signal the Ipod kept me entertained. There was plenty of sing-long moments to be had with some new fav’s Joe Purdy, Bloc Party, The Rapture (thanks AK for turning me on to them recently), The Killers, The Avett Brothers,Mastodon and of course the old guards that have been a part of my life since I was a wee lil’ lad: Minor Threat, 7-Seconds, Janes Addiction, Moby, PE, Jurassic 5…and Slayer of course. I think I may of had a Jay-Z, Kanye West and Tiesto block interlude for some booty shaking too. If any one passed my van on I-95, I-83 or RT220 you probably witnessed my mesmerizing karaoke genius occurring with air guitar and drumming to complete the show. I amaze myself!!!

I arrived plenty early, which is normally not the case (more to come on late arrivals). It gave me a chance to find my “game face” which I do not think I found at all this weekend. Things went well considering my head was far from being focused at the task at hand. It was approximately a 5-mile circuit on some fast, narrow but very fun roads. It had the speed and excitement of a crit with all the unexpected externalities of a road race. You had to pay attention or you could easily find your self in a ditch. I found myself in an early break with a few strong guys. Unfortunately none of us had any real team presence in the field so the troops behind were not going to stand by and let us gingerly walk away. We worked well together but sadly we got caught right near the slight hill up to the start/finish line, quite the ball buster. As predicted and expected with this caliber of competition there was a furry of counter attacking. I was already in the “red” and did not have enough to jump on. I could only hope that this would not stick…but it would. Eight would go up the road and stay there. I was involved in a bit more excitement in the field but nothing that amounted to much.

The end did get a little exciting or confusing. On lap 10 of what was supposed to be 11 the final bell rang we were all confused but as we do every one started bobbing and weaving for position near the front. As we approached the 200m sign the sprint was on, I was about 8th wheel back (but remember 8 were ahead of us) and I sprinted my little heart out getting passed all the while. (Note to self: learn to sprint or get in the right break) As we rolled through the line we were informed we had one to go. Hmm, oh well!! We all regrouped in our collective confusion and decided to ride one more at a neutral pace. One guy did however decide to swear at and acknowledge his displeasure with the nice older women who I am sure volunteered to corner marshal. I politely asked him to chill stating it’s not her fault and there are bigger worries in the world (Myanmar and China on the short list). He quickly turned his anger on me and called me a F-ing peace-nic that needs to F off!! Well, I was flattered to be called a peace-nic as I normally try to be but I quickly explained that this peace-nic would soon have his size 43 Diadora up in his ass if he needed to continue this rant. The crowd chuckled as they too were not happy with his ignorant display and he quickly moved to the rear. I am a peace-nic but I won’t stand for any BS…remember we at Team Bi-atch are trained in the art of guerilla warfare as we are also revolutionaries ready to pounce on any injustice. That sort of thing never happens in the dirt, damn roadies!!! No offence, I am one too so settle down.

In the end I feel as though I rode strong just not smart I suppose. Maybe if the Director Sportiff brought his lazy butt to the race I would have had the support I needed. If you learn some thing new every day though you are moving forward in life (remember note to self from above). I saw plenty of old and new cycling friends. We are getting older, moving forward but we still are doing what we love, riding bikes. Congrat’s go out to Saysana on his new fatherhood status that is way too grown up and certainly a move forward and Fergie on the career change (both lyfer’s too)…Maybe I need to hit the Craigslist personals for some help moving forward and growing up...nah!! Or write my needs on a turtle shell perhaps!!!

After a quick bite to eat of some delicious PB&H(thanks Anna) and some fare-wells to old and new friends I headed out for West “by god” Virginia (I heart the mountains of PA and WV) for an exciting part two of yet another crazy two part weekend of racing. I had a small disagreement with my map in Lancaster County but other then that the trip went smoothly with more singing and air guitar. I even made it to Mo-town in time for some Blackbear Burrito. I love me some Blackbear Burrito (note: Everyone in the Morgantown area please hit up Blackbear June 1st and race the Appalachian Classic to help out a fellow young member of the cycling family. Details are on the WVMBA site.I hope we can knock heads in the SS class soon brother our thoughts are with ya !!!!!)

As usual it was great to see Jackie (I heart that lil’ fur ball she makes all my worries go away), Bunny and even Gunnar the old grump. We chatted, ate burritos, had a few beers, maybe had ice cream and watched an X-files episode. We retired early but I was pleasantly surprised when Gunnar informed us that we would have an extra hour to sleep as it would be my luck that the Tour de Lake (http://www.charlesfork.org/) would be starting at 1pm instead of the WVMBA norm of noon. I heart late starts as you know.

Sunday morning Betsy, Jackie, Gunnar and I headed south for Spencer, WV ”The biggest small city in WV” for our 1pm start. As usual we were running about a half hour late for our 1pm start time. Our predicted ETA was 12:30pm for our 1pm start. The weather was UGLY and the motivation was lacking from the troops, ok from me. My race face was missing all weekend and the 40MPH wind and torrential down pour was not helping me find it. But alas, as we exited I-79 the sun began to show her lovely face. The road off of 79 was a twisting mess of carsickness but the views were well worth it…the mountains were so green and crisp, the Honeysuckle aroma was sweet and the Pines musky, I certainly was not let down.

As we traveled the roads we encountered the great turtle migration. We stopped and saved a few from certain demise. We even found a few with some graffiti and want ads (for a good time call &%&-&^%$….on the shell, really, I can’t make that shit up!!!) We at Team Bi-acth will stomp all comers on the bike but we are altruistic lovers of all things so we saved many. This was good karma but it did set our ETA back some probably to12:40 for our 1pm start.

We made our way to Spencer with what seemed like a 30-minute window to get ready. My legs were heavy from Saturday’s race so I was hoping to get a warm up but hey warm-ups are over rated right? As we made our way down the twisty little road to registration we noticed all the racers lined up and looking mad. It turns out the 1pm start Gunnar claimed was the start time was wrong we were starting at noon (Gunnar must be skipping his med’s again). It’s a good thing our Director is the WV MTB patriarch because oddly they waited for us. It was now 12:40. We dressed quickly, rode to the start, I forgot my helmet in the bus, I grabbed it and off we went. In conclusion Team Bi-atch won all our respective classes after making everyone wait 45 minutes for us…..THANKS fellow racers!!! And our Cannondale’s worked pretty kickass!!!! I did have a hard fast top side crash and now I am sore.

Team Bi-atch result

Gunnar 1st Pro/ex

Betsy 1st Pro/ex female… and girl’d many boyz

Chrissy 1st SS 5th Pro/ex

Mike MIA

Freddie MIA

This weekend I am staying in my own bed to road race close by and the Team is supposed to come….and then the Mohican 100. When are Cross Natz, December what?? Ugh!!! Stay tuned!

Another chapter complete…

Wow, that is long. Two days off the bike to lick my wounds amounts to this.

As always get out there ride, have fun and ride some more. It is cathartic ya know...better then _______ I have heard!

Love Goose (aka Chris)

A Strange Race Day

Team Bi-Atch was good and ready for the Tour de Lake this Sunday. We got on the road only 50 minutes later than planned, and the race was only 1/2 hour farther away than we thought it was. Good thing we always plan to get there plenty early (cough, cough).

About 1/2 there, just as we finished driving through the torrential rains, we realized that we would really be cutting it close to the (what we thought was a) 1 PM start. That's when we started to see the turtles in the middle of the road. Being good vegetarians that we all are, we had to stop and rescue the little guys, even if it meant being that much later to the race.

Goose even found a turtle that had "Colby's" digits painted on his shell with white-out. I guess it was a slow evening there in the middle-of-nowhere WV.

Anyhow, we finally arrived at the race venue, after Jackie and I both spent some time dry-heaving in the back seat (getting to the middle-of-nowhere WV requires many miles of extremely curvy roads). It was about 12:35 at this point. Much to our chagrin, we pull in to find the rest of the not-so-happy WVMBA racers all lined up to start and super nice JR was patiently making everybody wait for us. Guess they'd been waiting for awhile, since the race was supposed to start at 12 PM. Ooopeee. Instead of being 25 minutes early, we were 35 minutes late.

Anyhow, they patiently waited another 10 minutes while the 3 of us ran around like maniacs. (THANK YOU, WVMBA. BI-ATCHs DEFINITELY HEART WVMBA!!) Goose didn't get to use his fancy race wheel, I had to use the blown-out pedals for the 3rd race in a row, and Goose also ALMOST started his race with no helmet. We were a little scatterbrained. Gunnar has had extensive experience in this sort of situation, so I believe he was pretty much all set.

Here I am turning to look for Jackie in the middle of the race. Must learn to focus...

Anyhow, it all turned out well, b/c we raced under beautiful blue skies, got to sleep in an hour later than everyody else, and we all won our races (gunnar = pro/expert men, Bunny = pro-expert women, and Goose = singlespeed). I guess adrenaline makes for a good warm-up.

Skies were nice, but the trails were still a bit mucky and such, and that second lap of the Lake sure does take its toll, just look at the face of this young man-

And I didn't clean my bike in the Lake (bad Bunny) but if I had we wouldn't have this nice shot of how mucky it actually got out there! (good Bunny)-

I rescued 1 turtle during the race, and Goose found yet another turtle with digits painted on it on the way home. This time I believe it was Austin's number.

I guess the moral to this story is:
If you are ever in need of a friend in the the middle-of-nowhere WV, try to find a turtle.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Hammer Ride

See this happy man?

See this unhappy woman?

Would you believe they were both on the same ride?

I guess this is what happens when you suck wheel on coal-covered roads in the rain. gunnar finished the ride happy, warm, and relatively clean, while I was frozen, soaked to the bone and FILTHY. Lesson learned.

I'm pretty sure I got Black Lung during this ride. Nevertheless, it was still a good ride. Team Bi-Atch hearts Tough Guy Miles.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

74 miles in the yuke!!

Its 50 degrees out and we are off to do a 74 mile road race. Goose (Chris) is not happy about what the day is about to bring us. Fun will be lacking I suspect. Wish us luck and please bring us warm dry things to wear. I do not heart rainy long road races!!! We are bringing sexy back though so bring your dancing shoes.

Get out there ride, have fun and ride some more. It is cathartic ya know...better then _______ I have heard!
Love Goose and Team Bi-atch!!!